Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
