Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
