I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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