The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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