Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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