handjob tips. give me some.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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