Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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