looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
