Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
