Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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