Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize