dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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