He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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