I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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