dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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