yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
