okay pat passed out under dana's car
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
