Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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