listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
