I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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