He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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