I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
