Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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