Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
