i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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