im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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