youre lurking in front of me
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
