you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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