our cab driver is having phone sex.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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