Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
