he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
