If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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