Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
