When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
