He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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