Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I will be naked everywhere
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
