I just saw a hot homeless man
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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