the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
