so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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