Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
