I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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