one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
