i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize