Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
