To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize