Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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