I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
