and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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