The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I am naked and annoyed.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
