You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
