Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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