I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Who died my cat blue again?
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