I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize