just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We got so high we made milksteak
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So. Much. Porn.
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