dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
