You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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