my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
