Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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