their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
