just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
