I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
