Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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