atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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