Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You took a bar mat shot.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
