it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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