upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I cut my penus on the lid.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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