Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
