He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
