She is in my trunk
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The adults are the big ones right?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
