I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I deserve this hangover.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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