um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
