And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
