remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
