God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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