yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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