it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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