You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
