If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
